Ezekiel 37:4- Then he said to me,
"Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the
Well my world still seems to be moving in slow motion. I've been calmer lately but that's not to say I've been enjoying the wait. I have a dear friend who's gone and injected a saying of hers into my head. I've often heard her talking about or praying about having a feeling of "dry bones." It's a Scriptural reference. She spoke about it especially during the wait leading up to her referral and then travel to get her daughter. My ears always perked up when she mentioned that because it wasn't a saying I have heard people say often. It was always a very visual sentiment as I could easily picture dry dead bones (she's such a visual speaker) So I listened despite the fact that I couldn't really relate at the time, though, NOW I am picking up what she was putting down.
There's something in the wait that has dried me up. My patience is all but sucked dry. My energy has wained. I am fighting weariness and fatigue. Honestly, it's hard to care anymore. That's not to say that I don't. I just am trying to convey that caring means investing emotionally in a draining situation. Even though we know the end is coming soon I feel like a marathon runner who's run out of steam in the final mile of the race. I don't know how I am going to push through. I really need God for this one.
Dustin and I watched a webcast of a sermon tonight. During that time Dustin and I both felt convicted about the time of preparation we are in. We felt encouraged to continue on in faith and assurance and to WORK HARD to finish whatever we have been called to do during this time. We both felt that we are still in a time of preparation and that it's vital not to lose sight of that fact. If things were finished we would be done already. That's obviously not the case so evidently there's more.
In many ways I feel I am at my weakest. (At least let's hope so. I don't want to sink any lower!!) I can sense that the battle hinges around belief and obedience. Arrow after arrow sails through the air hoping to find it's mark against my faith and reliance upon Jesus. Here's the deal though, I am about at the end of my rope. My arms are tired and that shield of faith is starting to feel mighty heavy. I am crying out for help and a lifting of my shield from a strength not of myself but of the Lord Jesus Christ. The enemy loves to try to get me to stop believing and trusting knowing full well that disobedience will always follow. Unfortunately I've had to repent because my heart has been unbelieving lately and my actions have followed.
Then, I consider that the real battle probably hasn't begun yet. After this comes the nuts and bolts life of being an adoptive parent with all it's challenges. You know the ones, like those days when you wake up TIRED and cranky and the kids immediately start yelling and fighting and barking out demands (of course I am not speaking of my darling angels but other people's kids ;)) and you just don't feel like being the go-to girl that day. The challenges like working to gain our little ones trust, and helping him deal with all the life change and loss he's lived through. What will I do then? Hopefully, I will be used to sitting at the feet of Jesus and learning from Him. Hopefully I will have done the prep work He's calling me to do right now and will be ready for the next challenge ahead. Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning and I can draw from the well of His Spirit.
Speaking of. That's my plan of action right now. To dip my cup in the deep living water. To buy food without cost and find nourishment for my soul to live another day on the battle field.
1 "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who
have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and
without cost. 2 Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on
what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your
soul will delight in the richest of fare.