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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Where to go?

Pastor Greg delivered a message about this a while ago and it's stuck with me ever since. I am thinking of it today as we are STILL awaiting news as to whether or not our application with AWAA has been approved. In light of the door being closed to El Salvador this has just been on my mind.

Acts 16:6-8: Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to. So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas.

Like all of us have probably experienced at one time or another Paul thought he had a good sense of where he was supposed to be heading and found himself being redirected. You gotta love a guy like Paul! I mean he's a take-charge-and-get-things-done kind of dude. I wonder if folks accused Paul of being too eager? I wonder if people thought Paul should take it down a notch and settle in for a bit? Surely it could have been done better....with more preparation and more planning........

I think I am getting a similar sense from some folks around me. They are positive about our decision to adopt and supportive but I feel their eyes narrowing in on me.... especially since by all appearances and admittedly we look like a wreck! Some people want all their questions answered and I wish I had answers to give but I don't. I think Ethiopia is the place to go..... but I may find out otherwise pretty soon.

How are the girls going to handle this? Will the girls be neglected? How will you pay for this? How do you think you can home school and take care of a new child? Why do you feel some insecurities about your application process? Are you sure your motives are the right motives? Is this just desperation because you have miscarried? Are you sure you have the best interest of this child in mind?

My answer: My strength is hugely insufficient for this task. I have NO clue how all these things will be turn out and how in the world the Lord intends to provide.... but I do know that He better or this thing will be a train wreck!!! In short: I have faith God will provide despite not having the answers as to how He will do it!!!!

For me the rubber is hitting the road today! I am again in a holding pattern. Waiting for God to reveal his will over this particular situation. Dustin and I have acted out in obedience doing what we believe we have been called to do. It may be that God wants to make some changes to our itinerary and we welcome that if it be His desire.

I know God knows our hearts..... but a little piece of me can't help but want to justify myself before others who may not be on the same page as us. I guess that's just some of my pride trying to make it's way to the surface. Part of me knows my butt is out on the line here, and I honestly don't want to look like a fool! I am NOT a huge fan of rejection and I have to say I dread the possibility of being rejected by the agency. Even though I know that I know that if it were to happen it would all be part of God's plan! Certainly the last thing I want to do is doubt God's plan!!

It's a wrestling match for me today ladies!!!! Flesh vs. faith!


Brooke said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brooke said...

It would be easy for me to say not to worry what other people think, but to know that God has His eyes on you and that is all that matters..... but that is not an easy task to set in your mind. I am amazed that people are causing such heartache, when there is enough heartache to have with life itself. Please take ONE day at a time, that is all any of us are really able to do.

Stacey said...

I always find myself upset and worried about what others think so often. I know just how hard it is. I pray all the time for the strength to follow God and not think about how it will look to others. People can be cruel and hurtful but I think if we stay focused on what God has called us to do then nothing else matters!

I'm praying for you Jen!!