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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

"M" to the "E", Me Me Me!

I am in tears at the moment. Whenever I am upset I simply have to write. It's the only way my thoughts ever make any sense. Whether it be my journal or this blog I write most when I am upset.

Cathartic for me. Distressing for you, possibly. But still, I ask you to come along with me as I try to process my life through the Scriptures.

Go read this.

Good. Now let's talk.

Don't you think it's neat how God got Moses' attention? A burning bush? Yea, I'd go have a closer look too. What I love even more that the burning bush is what vs 4 says. 4 When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, "Moses! Moses!" And Moses said, "Here I am."

I have been praying so hard for a personal calling from God; for a "Jen, Jen" calling. I want to be able to answer "Here I am" too,

But look what I noticed the other night: What does the Lord say to Moses during Moses' personal calling?

After God reminds Moses just Who he's in the presence of, the Word says: The LORD said, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey—the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt."

Whoa now people. Not what I'd expect to hear during MY PERSONAL CALL from the LORD if I was Moses. After all isn't it all supposed to be about me!? Where's the ME for Moses in all the Lord had to say there?

That's right. There's nothing in verses 7-10 that deals with Moses specifically. Not as far as I can tell.

Now I wish I had a better knowledge of the far side of the Horeb desert referred to in the beginning of the chapter, but I'm guessing that it's a safe distance from the slave labor that the Hebrews were performing. I wish the Bible would have told us if Moses had been praying at the time he saw the bush burning. Maybe God was coming in response to Moses pouring out his heart over the suffering of God's people..... that would be good info to know.

But, let's just go ahead and see how things would play out if we assume that this is an experience which is out of the blue for Moses; one he had no clue was at the top of God's to-do list. Let's imagine that Moses was wandering the desert and (like me) wrestling with his woes. Maybe, the moment in which we find Moses here is defined by him desperately seeking God on an intimate level, over personal needs.

I suspect my imaginings may be more the case only because of the craziness that Moses displays as he argues with God over being chosen as the leader of the Hebrews. I mean, Moses goes on arguing with the Lord about what a bad selection He has made. Not exactly the stuff of someone with a good handle on the situation.

God breaks into Moses' everyday world and speaks to the BIG picture. He comes bearing His heart to Moses, telling him He's got big plans to rescue the Hebrews from the Egyptians and guess what Mo? Those plans include you!

That's HUGE. You'd think Moses would have been ready to join right in. But, he's not.

To be honest I probably wouldn't be either... not at this moment. Not the way I feel right now, and with all the things I've been choosing to focus on.

If I was in Moses' shoes that moment here's what I would probably do: "What Lord? I'm so not talking about the Hebrews right now! I'm only talking about one Hebrew in particular and that's me. Remember me!? I'm having a bit of a hard time right now. Let's just talk about me!" (I think you get my point... or should I throw in another me?)

Here's what I'm thinking God might be saying to Moses by deliberately avoiding the ME in all if his questions: I am so much bigger than you Moses. I have plans for you. My plans also happen to include more people than just yourself. Which means you're gonna have to be stretched more than your comfortable with, because stretching is going to reveal your weaknesses but fear not because I AM.

Before I end this post let me say one really important thing. I deeply respect Moses as God's chosen leader. Moses rocks! I would not dare compare myself to Moses, cause we all know I ain't that faithful!

What I am trying to do here is relate to Moses' humanness. I think God has laid Moses bare for our study for one reason, so we can see God's glory. God shows us how Moses lacked perspective and how God gave it to him. The perspective Moses gained better understanding of what that his future wasn't going to be about him or his abilities, but rather about the Lord and all the Lord would do for him and for all God's other children.

Oh yes. It's all about perspective. And, I've had enough of my own perspective. It's been putting me in tears tonight. I want to go to bed in peace!

Lord, help all of us girls who are struggling with our inaccurate perspectives! We want to trade in our own. We seek Yours instead!! Let us look out and see with Your clarity. Amen!


Brooke said...

Jen, I am praying that God will give you the peace that passess all understanding. Check out Acts 14:22. I pray that this give you Joy and peace! Love you girl!

Jen said...

Thanks so much Brooke! I really appreciate your prayers. Acts 14:22 was a good one for changing my perspective.

Julie said...

And let's not forget about Moses' checkered past! He was a murderer. But not once did God bring it up and say "You screwed up but I'm still going to use you." Our past is forgotten by God, never held against us. Read 2 Peter 1:3-9.

The Montee's said...

Jen, I appreciate your determination to seek God in all things--past, present and future. There is peace where that is found.