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Sunday, April 1, 2007

Without words

Now let's all just take a moment to laugh at my title for this entry!!!! If I was truly without words would there be any typed here? Alas, more proof that even when I think I have run out of words there are still more left inside of me which just needed to be shaken up and poured out. (Are you feeling so sorry for my husband right about now? Just imagine what the Lord has to endure from me!!!)

Here I am. At the end of MANY prayers, tears, and mood swings that would make that head spinning, green vomiting girl from the Exorcist movie look down right demure and sweet. I have arrived. I think this is brokenness ( I sure stinkin' hope so!!!) but not hopelessness. I am hoping in openness not concession, in trust and also inquisitive testing out. I am waiting on deliverance while actively seeking out righteousness. I am stepping out, maybe even be in the wrong direction, but I have come to see that God has the ability to overcome my propensity to sin.

I have a test tomorrow. One that measures the HCG levels in my blood. One which is a strong indicator as to the health of this pregnancy. One which at this moment feels very, very important to me. I do not know the results of that test. I do know the results of all these many prayers though! I know that God on high hears me. I trust in Him alone. My prayer: Jesus be glorified in me.

Ok, so I am officially changing the title to With Some Words (but significantly fewer than usual!)


Stacey said...

I'm praying for you Jen. I know you've been through so much and I just want you to know I'm here for you!! Let me know if you need anything.