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Friday, April 6, 2007

The air conditioning is on and the door is wide open

Oh my gosh!! The largest flying insect EVER has flown into my home!

The girls have left the sliding door open and let the BIGGEST bee in recorded history into the TV room.

As soon as I hear the mammoth wings buzzing I run .....( quite gracefully and full of dignity... who am I kidding? I am running like the wind... crouching and screaming at the highest octave possible at my age).... I run and shut the french doors leaving my fearless doggie Wyatt to take down the gruesome beast while I immediately, and with speed dial precision, phone my hubby to see exactly what is taking him so long in coming home from work. Hubby proceeds to laugh hysterically over the phone. He receives a quick hang up from me as soon as I realize that no help is soon coming from him. As I watch my pathetic little designer pooch with his face pressed up against the glass pleading for me to release him from behind the doors which are keeping him locked up with the beastly bee I wonder how Dustin ever thought this dog could be an effective deterrent to robbers.

"Ok girls I am heading in to take one for the team!" I announce while armed with my daughter's favorite blankie. I prepare to do battle "The Lord is my strength.........."

My heart is pounding. I begin to picture myself slipping into anaphilactic ( hope I have the spelling right 'cause spellcheck doesn't do medical terms) shock after receiving the death blow of a sting from this thing, all the while I am swinging furiously this blankie, which is my weapon.

10 minutes later I am out of breath and this stupid bee is NOT showing signs of slowing down. What am I to do? If Dustin comes home and I haven't licked this bee I will look like a fool! I must conquer this foe! I WILL conquer this foe!

AH HA! The bee has flown into the corner and is repeatedly bashing it's gargantuan eyes into the sliding glass door. Now's my chance. He's dazed and confused and trying to regain composure while resting in the track of the sliders. Why didn't I think of this 10 minutes ago? I will simply slam the slider all the way back on the track and squash him.

What? There must somehow be room for him in the track because despite his extra large size I can still hear him buzzing inside the sliders.

Enter three girls asking me "Why did you put the bee int he wall?"(that is how LOUD the buzzing is!!!) I begin to issue threats that if ANY of them even thinks of closing that door they will be grounded until high school!

Husband calls for an update. I proceed to relay the events as you have read them. He asks for a detailed description of the bee. Seems the bee I have is a carpenter bee according to my inspect specialist husband. I prefer not to take his word for it. He says the don't sting.

"They eat wood, honey. You don't need to be afraid of it." He assures me he'll be home shortly. I assure him the door is staying put with the bee securely locked in the track until he arrives.

My AC is on and the door is WIDE OPEN!! It's 5:51PM and I am worn out from boxing with a bee. I will soon be listening to the jeering of a smug husband who will feel like a divine deliverer when he ushers this 5 pound bee back outside where it belongs. The girls will probably even clap for him and cheer him on, thus adding to his grandiosity. I will then have to endure his snickering and giggles as he tells the girls that mommy was afraid of a little bee.

HMMMMM.......I think I will let our hero cook dinner tonight! Seeing as he is so mighty and able!!

A day in the life!!!


Stacey said...

You crack me up!! Seriously, the same kind of bug came into my living room the other day but I never could have told the story the way you did... too funny :-)

So what did Dustin cook for dinner??

Jen said...

He got us In-N'-Out Burger! Yum! That's Dustin's style of cooking!

Really you had the same bug! Weren't you terrified!?

Julie said...

That's almost as bad as the time our dog brought a baby bird into the house in it's mouth. The thing was still alive, Snickers was holding it gently - not sure what to do with the thing - but somehow knew that he was a bird dog. She put the bird down at one point but I couldn't get to it fast enough. I was totally creeped out, not knowing if the bird was mangled and couldn't believe my sweet dog would do that. Mark wasn't around so I had to call one of his Army buds to come over and help me rescue the baby bird. (He lived!) I couldn't look at my dog the rest of the day. Gave me the hibee geebees (is that how you spell that?)

Jen said...

EEEWWW! A bird is SOOO much worse than a bee because of the sheer size!!! That wouls creep me out too!

Brooke S said...

Thanks, Jen, I kept it a secret from my husband that I had started this very mature myspace page! I had to feel him out today at what kind of what kind of response I would get. He immediately said I am calling my friend because now "you are one of those!" and I have to tell him. Keep it coming
I plan to do the same.