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Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Not my way....... but yours

It's happened. I am miscarrying again. No wit or wisdom to be found from me at this moment. Just a whole lot of questions and tears. Not the "why me" type questions. Now the "How" type. Not the "does God care" kind either.

It's just that I cannot fathom what is going on. I still believe in everything I've said all along. I still trust and rely on the Truth that God loves me and will take care of me. I have just come to realize that I have absolutely no clue as to what His proper care will look like.

I have been camping around Isaiah 55 a lot lately. I have never felt the impact of verse 8 more intensely in my life as I do right now!! It says:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

You said it LORD!! You got that right!! This is not how Dustin and I would have chosen things to work out BUT we know who "has our back" so to speak! I look forward to the day when I can post a blog that is able to rejoice over the beauty that has arisen from these ashes!

One last thought that my beautiful and brilliant husband brought to my attention last night which is so appropriate for me to remember this Easter. In the midst of our deepest pain God never forsakes us. It humbles me to know that there is only One who God has forsaken, and that was Christ on my behalf. At the moment Christ embodied my sins on the cross and endured separation from His beloved Father, Christ gave me His assurance that I would never have to endure the same thing. He suffered all of that for me, on my behalf.

I know there is comfort for me in the midst of this pain. Christ offered Himself up to ensure I would have it. I am so thankful! Praise God, death could not keep Jesus. Truly His ways are NOT my ways!!

With so much love this Easter!



Tracy W said...

Jen - I only found out you were blogging after reading Julie's blog. I haven't dared ventured out into the blogging world yet - guess I don't feel I have the writing skills for it. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious one. You know that I understand the pain so well. I am just so sorry you are facing it again. Be good to yourself! Habakkuk 3:17 - 19.