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Friday, January 29, 2010

Hurry Up and Wait (Again)

Well, it's been two weeks since we submitted our HS (home study) to the court asking for it to be expedited. Since it generally takes a month for approval I'm assuming we didn't find favor with the commissioner. In my book one month minus a day isn't really expedited service, but that's just me. The fine folks at the court may see things differently.

I was really doing well with all the delays; that is until I took a look at our timeline ticker and realized that A*'s been waiting on us for over six months now.

That number hit me like a sledgehammer.

I think every adoptive family comes to a point in the process when the bureaucratic red tape is maddening. It becomes really difficult to wrap your mind around the concept that 1) a child needs parents, 2) parents are ready, willing, and able, but 3) paperwork or red tape keeps them apart. It just feels completely WRONG.

Yes, the paperwork is necessary, for it prevents abuses and is intended to protect innocent children. I KNOW how important these safeguards are. Yet my mind cannot reconcile itself with my breaking mother's heart. This is my SON. He's not a number on a file. He's not process. He's a CHILD who has lost everything. He's grieving and SICK and he needs a family to belong to; a home where his needs can be met. We are honored and blessed to be able to be that family.... if only we could get him here.

For me, these six months haven't felt too terribly long. I suppose it's because I've been busy chasing papers, reading books and doing the usual adoption preparations. It also helps that I've got the other four kids and a loving husband to to keep me busy. After all the delays we experienced during Jonas' adoption we came much more equipped to peacefully wait the process out this time.

But, I'm really hurting for A* right now. Because our paperwork was vague we don't know how long he's been in the orphanage. I'm not sure sure, but I think he may have arrived in June. By the time we arrive he'll have been there for almost a year. (O Lord please let this not take any longer than June!!!)

I'm sad that he's been waiting so long; sad to know we've been working on getting him home for over half that time. I want A* to get to the doctors waiting here who will take GREAT care of him. I want him to meet his brother and sisters. Dustin and I want what all waiting adoptive parents want, which is to jump in and do the actual work of being a mom or a dad to A*.

For now, I keep praying God uses this time to prepare us even more for A*s arrival, so that when he come home we'll be the best parents we can be. If every minute apart somehow means we're being better equipped to take care of A* then it helps, a little, to redeem the time.

3 comments:

Kimberly Kulp said...

Jen,
I KNOW THIS STRUGGLE! Waiting for Micah, knowing it was a few pieces of paper keeping us apart for 7+ months was maddening. There's no easy way to get through it, no way to rationalize it, no way to experience it without hardship, grief, and sadness. These are feelings that are NORMAL and TRUE. I believe Jesus is just as sad for your sweet A as you are! I believe He wants A home more than you do! I believe He is longing to see you all united! His amazing love was there before you knew of A and will be there to uphold you each second of this struggle.
Stay on the rock, sweet friend, as you walk this valley. Your view is going to be SO SWEET!

Much love and prayer,
Kim

beBOLDjen said...

Kim, (((TEARS))). Thanks, friend! I know your testimonty sister. When you speak about being patient, I'll listen!!! I needed the encouragement to refocus on the fact that God is personally caring for A*. HE'S GOT THIS

It's been really hard watching other fmailies go DTE woh started after us. NOt for myself, but because of the idea that we're not getting it together fast enough for A*. YOu should SEE him. He's grown SO MUCH in these six months!! It's CRAZY!! Almost unrecognizable... except for his gorgeous, HUGE almond eyes.

Jamey... said...

I so feel your pain. We've been looking at the pictures of Little Miss since the end of July and it will likely be July before we get her home. By then she will have spent more time in an orphanage than in a family. She will have been in an orphanage for half her life. My heart breaks anew everytime I think about it.