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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

6 Months

I have so much to tell you regarding our attachment in this family as we near our six month post placement anniversary. And, it's all WONDERFUL. I've said it before that families tell us there are remarkable changes in attachment at the 3 and 6 month markers but silly ole me I've still been surprised when it happened to us.

For a couple for weeks now I've noticed a greater level of interaction between myself and Jonas. I'm not sure when it happened but I've begun to thoroughly enjoy my son. Now, that might sound strange and I'd like to clarify. In the first few months with him it was, for me, about expressing unconditional love despite some rejection on Jonas' part. Things then transitioned into Jonas trusting me to meet his needs and now, sweetest of all, I can tell I'm becoming momma in his eyes! Even strangers are able to make the connection that I'm his mother and not just the babysitter by our interactions lately. Just a few short months ago I couldn't envision us getting to this place within a few years time. But here we are today, by God's grace, a thriving, loving, ATTACHING family.

Jonas still prefers to have daddy hold him whenever given the choice but I'm a very close second and am perfectly content with that place. It's sweet for me to observe the intricacies of the budding daddy/son relationship as it is obviously unique compared to the three daddy/daughter relationships in our family. I tease Dustin that my intention in getting a son was to turn him into a momma's boy being that he had long enjoyed the limelight of three devoted daughters but now that wasn't enough, he went and stole my boy away too. Truly, I feel so blessed to have the father of my children be their hero! God gave me all I ever imagined and MORE in Dustin as the father of our children.

Looking back I don't think I can ever understate how terribly frightening and stressful the transition into our home was for Jonas. While I KNEW it was stressful it's only in hindsight, with the knowledge of his true personality, that I can see how much the stress altered him during that time. Everyday new aspects of our son's personality emerge as he settles into his place in the family. What wonderful joys these discoveries have brought!

Jonas is sensitive, intuitive, affectionate, inquisitive, determined, and able to hang tough with his big sisters. Lately Jo wants to be wherever they are and he's not content just to watch. He wants to be in the middle of the action. Our son has an independent spirit (which I've known from the start) which keeps him interested in learning new skills. Jonas sure does enjoy cheers from his entourage whenever he performs a new trick. Just the other day the wild child climbed on top of a bench at the girls' school table. There he stood (with less than 24 hours under his belt of being able to stand steadily upright and take not more than 5 steps in a row before falling over) teetering back and forth, clapping and cheering as if to show his sisters the way to do his deed justice. Of course this only endeared the act to them more and produced rave reviews of his exploits. (If they don't stop encouraging him I can easily see them leading him to pursue a career as the youngest stunt man in recorded history...... a la Red Bull or something)

In everything we are so proud of the girls as well. They have shown remarkable resilience. They never begrudged Jonas the extra time he needed to spend with us and showed themselves to be extremely patient. It's safe to say they are enthralled with their brother. They dote on him and completely drive him nuts with their constant hugs and kisses. All three enjoy playing with him and helping to care for him. None of the children have expressed discomfort with the changes that have occurred in our family. I believe the long adoption process really afforded them time enough to prepare. They don't notice the extra long stares or double takes in public yet and probably won't for some time though I'm confident they will be able to navigate through those things quickly.

So often these days I think of Jonas' birth mom. It's almost as if, somewhere deep in my soul, I'm desiring to turn to her as if she were with us in that moment and say to her "look what our boy did! He's remarkable!!" I think I long to share these milestones with her. Often I want to live up to the standard I imagine she'd expect. I know she'd be happy to see Jonas enjoying life the way he does daily.

2 comments:

Sassy Granny ... said...

It's great to get the update, and so good to see you here in the blogosphere more-and-more! You've got a great way with words, girl.

Kathleen

Stacey said...

I'm so glad to hear that things are going well. What a difference a few months can make, huh? You have an adorable boy Jen!