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Friday, February 20, 2009

Our Attachment Journey - Part 1, Why Talk About It?

I've had a number of people speak to me about how they don't often see people addressing their struggles with attachment and bonding on their blogs and some have expressed relief at my willingness to air things out in my last post. I'd like to tell them that some of my best friends have been in the trenches of adoptive parenting for years and have been very candid in discussing with me both their experiences on the mountain tops and in the valleys. They have left no piece of dirty laundry hidden from my sight and because of that there's not much that has surprised me about the way I feel since bringing Jonas home. I can't imagine how much more difficult things would have been for me without the wealth of knowledge I've gained from my friends. I have benefited greatly from their willingness to be open and honest with me. I guess that's why I feel free to post about the nitty gritty of our journey with Jonas.

I'm no adoptive parenting super hero but I believe in transparency and in the sweet release of letting go of keeping up appearances. So, I've decided I will be posting on the subject of our trials in attachment more. I am cautious and sensitive to avoid over exposing our precious son's private struggles but I also want to keep it real for all my PAP (that's Pre Adoptive Parent) peeps out there. Maybe there's a mom reading somewhere who feels alone in her attachment struggles. Maybe she'd like to read that someone else is having to burn through the majority of her brain cells coming up with a plan of action, then put it into practice also. Maybe she's like my friend who was the first of anyone she knew to adopt or she's feeling the pressure to behave as if everything's coming up roses while she's at play group when all she really wants to do is cry, cry, cry.

........Or, maybe I just need to vent and this is the forum I choose. That works too. LOL.

Anyway, I'm writing up a few posts in this series and I'm dedicating them to my beloved BTDT (Been There Done That) friends, Brooke and Kim, who kept it real with me in order that they might equip and prepare me for my own mountaintop and valley experiences. I love you guys!


ethiHOPEia said...

Thanks Jen! I am looking forward to reading your posts...I have no friends here who have adopted so I will be anxious to learn!


Renee' said...

This is awesome Jen! I hope to be able to do the same thing when we bring our children home. Each person's journey is unique, but there is also so many things we can learn from each other. I love it when families who are home keep blogging and keep keeping it real. Looking forward to following your journey!

The Gillman Family said...


This will truly be a blessing. Thank you so much for being willing to share your heart and your story!! We are excited to watch your journey continue to unfold.

Kim said...

Jen as always you find a way to bring unity. I see these post as bringing unity. You have taught me so much and I am so honored to know you. I look forward to reading all that God shows you!!

E said...

As always, beautifully put. Looking forward to your posts. Big hug to you!


Stacey said...

I love it Jen! Thanks for always being so open and honest with us!!

vanzilesfive said...


I am grateful for your wealth of information. As you may know, many of our dearest friends are fostering or adopting. I want to understand and be supportive to each of them. I think you are all truly amazing! I learned an interesting point of view this weekend from Brooke, one I would not thought of without the insight of an adopting or fostering parent. Please excuse us non-adopting/fostering parents for our ignorance and know that you are how we learn. It is you and those like you willing to share and air the dirty laundry that help us not be so ignorant. It is not that we choose to be, we just are. So, my children have lots of questions about all of this, how do we explain it (we have told them that God has chosen each child especially for their daddy and mommy, and it is His plan whether they grow in our tummies or not they all grow in our hearts)how do we teach them, we would never want them to say anything hurtful, or ask the wrong question innocently. So, you have any suggestions for a good book? Maybe you could do a post on this? Love you!